


Cariad

by LittleMe95



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bromance, Canon Era, Cute, I love bromance, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Gaius (Merlin), Romantic Fluff, Slow Burn, lots of skinship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23394868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleMe95/pseuds/LittleMe95
Summary: A man in the wood saves Merlin in distress.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 105





	1. Wild Boar

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> I have pretty much read all the fiction about this couple, but it's the my first time writing about them.  
> English is not my first language, so if you find any mistake do not hesitate to point it out.  
> I always try to do a lot of researches for vocabulary and stuff, but again if I get anything wrong tell me.
> 
> Let me know what you think.  
> Noah

CHAPTER ONE - Wild Boar

“Where is Merlin”? Arthur strode inside the physician’s rooms.  
Gaius not affected at all by the other’s sudden entrance, replied without taking his eyes off the potion he was making.  
“Out in the woods, gathering herbs. Does your highness-” but the old man was interrupted abruptly.  
The prince exited the room slamming the wooden door. The vibration making the little faulty shelf next to it, fall.  
Gaius, used to these scenes by now, sighed returning to mash his precious herbs.

Merlin was out in the forest. Not too deep into the vegetation, the risk to bump into some bandit too high, but far enough from the outside village.  
He liked spending time immersed in nature, surrounded by trees and the chirping of the birds keeping him company. He found it regenerating and his magic rejoiced too.

He was almost done gathering the flowers Gaius needed, when the sound of a breaking branch reached his ears. After that only silence.  
Merlin thought it must have been some animal between the bushes and resumed his job, only to hear the sound again.  
He started moving backwards, looking around to see if someone was actually there.  
He was about to use magic, when an arrow flew two centimetres from his nose, making him take another step back.  
What the physician’s assistant hadn’t anticipated, though, was the presence of a rabbit’s trap. So when his foot touched the ground, it activated the steel trap that closed around his ankle.  
He didn’t mean to, but he cried out in pain, falling on the leaves covered ground. Blood pumping in his ear deafening him for a couple of seconds, preventing him from hearing steps come closer.  
“Dear God! Are you okay lad”? A voice asked.  
Merlin looked up, eyes focusing on the figure of a man. “I-I wa-was ju-just picking up herbs! Please don’t kill me!”  
“I’m sorry I thought you were a boar!” the man cried out apologetically. “Here let me help you.”  
“A boar? For Camelot’s sake, do I look like a boar? You mean I’m fat?” The boy yelled.  
“I said I’m sorry!” The man replied and started putting pressure on the sides of the trap trying to open it. Merlin’s breath was troubled as pain shoot from his leg directly into his brain.  
“It hurts”. He whined.  
“Just a bit more…” the man looked up at him waiting.  
“Merlin” he breathed.  
“Just a bit more Merlin, you’re doing great!”  
After a moment the trap opened and, as fast as he could, Marlin extracted his leg.  
He slumped to the ground, breathing returning even.  
“I’m really sorry” said the man once again.  
“Help me stand up” Merlin said pushing up. The man took his arm and brought it around his own shoulders.  
And together they started walking back to the castle, back to Gaius’ infirmary.


	2. Yelling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!  
> How did you like the first chapter? It was short I know.  
> Thanks for all the kudos, you guys! Wasn't expecting it :*
> 
> Here the second chapter. Hope you'll enjoy it.

CHAPTER 2 - Yelling

It wasn’t that he was worried about Merlin, but he did have a tendency to get in trouble.  
These days there had been people attacked by bandits. He told that idiot to not go alone!

Gaius was pacing in front of the window that looked on the backyard. Merlin sure was slow when picking up herbs but a whole morning had passed and there was no trace of him.  
Even Gwen didn’t see him. After a three minutes of more pacing, the physician heard voices approach the front door and one sounded just like Merlin’s.  
He opened the door ready to scold his apprentice when he saw his injured leg.

“Oh my boy! What happened to you?” he exclaimed.  
“That would be my fault, sir” Gaius looked up at the man. He was so tall he could compete with Percy.  
“And you would be…?” he asked raising his eyebrow inquisitively.  
“Thomas. I just arrived in town”. They shook hands.  
“That’s quite nice, but would you mind if I sat down?” Merlin asked. "My non-injured leg is killing me".

Gaius focused on him again and with the help of Thomas, they led his boy to sit on the nearest chair.

“Can I know what happened? How you got that bad injury”? he said fretting around the room taking ointments, gauzes and herbs to patch Merlin’s leg up.  
“I just stepped on a bear trap while collecting herbs”. Merlin hissed when Gaius washed the blood from his ankle.  
“You’re lucky that that damn thing didn’t cut off your foot. Honestly Merlin you should pay more attention to what your doing!” The physician said angrily, transferring his sentiment on his hands that pushed and pulled provoking pain to the boy’s foot. Merlin whined and Gaius huffed.  
“I’m afraid that this time it really is my fault, sir. I thought he was a boar and shoot an arrow at him. To avoid it Merlin put his foot in the trap.”

At those words, Gaius opened his hands letting go of Merlin’s leg. The boy crying out as his heel connected with the floor.

“You though he was what?” Gaius looked at the big man with wide eyes. “Do you mind repeating that again?”.  
Thomas looked at Merlin that was holding his leg and then back at Gaius. “Uhm, a boar”.  
Gaius exploded. “Does my assistant look like a boar to you? Look at him! He’s skinny and two metres tall! In which life could he look like a boar?”  
“I just saw something moving and shot” the other replied.  
“Oh and that sounds like a good explanation to you, right? What if it had been a child? And you had actually hit him? Do you shoot at anything that moves?” Gaius yelled again.  
“That’s enough Gaius, I’m fine. Leave him be, he apologised enough”. The brunette tried to calm his mentor down.  
“Whatever, I’m going to pick up some camomile”. The old man said before going out.

Merlin looked at the closed door. “I’m sorry” he said. Then looked up at Thomas. “He’s a bit nervous these days. There’s been an increasing presence of bandits and he worries a lot. Two men got attacked last week”.  
“Oh I didn’t know. Again I’m very sorry. If there is anything I could do... let me know”. Thomas smiled at Merlin lifting up his arm to take away a couple of little leaves stuck in the brunette’s hair.  
“Don’t worry about that. You helping me getting here in one piece was more than enough.” Merlin returned the smile.  
“Almost in one piece. Uhm...Well, it’ll be better if I go. I still have to find somewhere to stay."  
"You want to stay here? We have a spare room for everyone that needs it"  
"No thank you. I think the old man is going to kill me in my sleep if I did stay" They both chuckled.  
"Anyways, tomorrow I will partake in the prince’s training.”  
“Oh so you’re here to become a knight!” Merlin clapped his hands excited. “It’s going to be fun!”  
“I hope so” Thomas said. “Heard he’s a bit of a tyrant”.  
“Wouldn’t know. I hear he’s very compassionate”. Merlin replied.

Very compassionate indeed.  
“Where the hell have you been all day?” Arthur yelled at Merlin while entering the man’s room.  
“Why do you all have to yell? I’m not deaf, you know?” Merlin pouted. He was sitting on his bed reading. Bandaged leg high on a couple of books in front of him.  
Arthur looked at him. “What the hell happened to you now?” He yelled again.  
“It’s nothing, sire. I just twisted my ankle”.  
“Just twisted his ankle, he says. He put his foot in a bear trap!” Gaius said while passing in front of Merlin’s room. The latter rolled his eyes at the old man while Arthur looked at him shocked.  
“Great! Thanks Gaius, now he’s going to kill me!” he yelled back.  
“Where the hell were you looking?" The prince asked.  
“I’m fine, I won’t be able to walk for a couple of days. Nothing serious.”  
Arthur sighed and sat down on the bed, right next to the brunette who asked: “Aren’t you going to your rooms?”  
The blond let himself fall on his back and sighed. “Don’t feel like being by myself”.  
“You fought with your father?” Merlin asked but Arthur changed the subject and instead asked: “what is the book about?”  
“Flowers. Gaius’ next test will be on flowers.” The boy replied.  
“What is this one?” Arthur asked again pointing at a painted daisy.  
“It’s a type of daisy. You can extract camomile from this one.”  
“And what is beneficial for?”  
“It is good for a lot of things, like relaxing muscles, for irritated eyes and to cure inflammations. Oh and it also has calming effect in stressed people.”  
“Maybe I should slip a few drops in my father’s wine.” Arthur mumbled sleepy.  
Merlin laughed at that and closed the book. “So what happened?” he asked looking down at the other only to see he was already asleep.  
Merlin sighed and blew out the candle next to his bed, letting shadows swallow them up.


	3. Moody

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Here another chapter for this story.  
> As I mentioned before, I'm doing a lot of researches to write this story, because I want it to be as historically accurate as possible. So if I end up choosing very old and difficult words I'll add a little glossary at the end of the chapter.  
> Let me know if you like the idea.
> 
> Noah

CHAPTER 3 - Moody

The following morning, Merlin woke up at dawn.  
He tried to get up but a weight on his stomach reminded him he was not alone in his bed.  
Next to him, Camelot’s crown prince was still sleeping. His expression relaxed, his lips almost smiling.  
Merlin smiled to himself by reflex and lifted one hand to caress Arthur’s hair. His long, thin fingers tangled in soft golden locks. Arthur, still sleeping, leaned to the gentle touch.  
“Arthur, we need to get up”. Merlin murmured. The other stirred pulling back his arm from Merlin’s stomach, but didn’t open his eyes.  
“Can’t we stay like this all day?” he mumbled into the pillow.  
“I’m afraid we cannot, sire”. Merlin smiled and got up from the bed, walking on his good leg to reach his wardrobe. “Come on Arthur, you have knights to try out”.

While Merlin got ready, Arthur went back to his chambers. In there he found his father, sitting on a chair, wearing an annoyed face.  
“Where have you been?” he asked.  
“Nowhere, I just got up very early. I have training this morning.” The prince went behind the changing screen and picked up his armour; Merlin would help him put it on in the armoury.  
The king observed him. “I hope you did not go and get some servant pregnant”. He said and walked through the doors leaving Arthur alone. The latter sighed and headed to the training fields.

There he found Merlin waiting for him sitting on a log.  
“Merlin, how did you get here before me?” the prince asked his servant. Merlin looked at him with a sly smile.  
“I’m just faster, my lord” he answered. Arthur rolled his eyes but didn’t reply. He was already in a foul mood after meeting his father; he didn’t want to waste time fighting with Merlin. Therefore, he let the man help him into his armour to start training.

“Here you are today, in front of me, Prince Arthur of Camelot, to prove yourself worth of the title of knight.  
To do so, you must show strength and resistance. Get through the training and you will get the honour to join us. Well, if you will still be able to stand, that is.”  
And training began.

Three man on the run, an unconscious one and three still barely standing later, Arthur called for a break.  
Merlin passed the prince a cloth to wipe sweat as soon as the latter got close to him.  
“God Arthur! You scared them all away again!”  
“I did not. They were just weaklings. Not at all suited to be knights of Camelot.”  
“That’s not fair. There is more to being a knight than only physical strength, Arthur.” Merlin sighed putting his elbows on his knees to rest his head on his hands.  
“Like what?” Arthur asked mocking the other. “Shrewdness, Arthur. Using your brain and not only brute force is a way of fighting an enemy”. Merlin said.  
“That’s rich coming from you, Merlin. What do you know of using a brain when you don’t have one?” The prince laughed. Oddly enough, bantering with his manservant always lightened his mood.  
“Clotpole”.  
“Arthur!” They were interrupted by Sir Leon’s voice, gesturing for the prince to join the knights.

“You lied to me” Merlin was handing out some water to the squires*, when a tall man approached him.  
“Thomas!” He exclaimed smiling. Then confused asked: “What did I lie about?”  
“The prince… you said he was, what was the word… oh right! Compassionate.” Thomas folded his big arms looking very intimidating.  
“Well… actually it is not. He can be sometimes… when he is in a good mood.” Merlin smiled guilty offering him a cup. “Water?”  
Thomas smiled and took the cup from Merlin’s fingers, touching them lightly.  
“How is your leg?”  
“My leg is ok, a bit itchy, but healing.”  
“Bet it’s difficult moving around” The man said helping Merlin sit down on the log.  
“Quite tiring, but I do have duties to attend to.”  
“So you are here as the physician’s assistant?”  
“Not today. I actually work for the prince.” Thomas gaped at him. “Really? What it’s like?”  
“When he is in a good mood? Fantastic… It’s a pity he rarely is”.  
The two laughed together and talked a bit more, unaware of the prince glaring at them from afar.

Arthur was utterly pissed off and yelled “Gwaine! Let’s spare!”  
The knight, who was sitting next to his friend Percival, looked at the prince confused.  
“I have the sudden need to break someone’s bones.” The blonde said picking up a mace** and walking to the centre of the field.  
“What have you done this time?" Percival asked Gwaine. “Nothing I swear”.  
“Gwaine, we don’t have all day!” Arthur roared and the other hurried along.  
Percival sighed as he watched his friend getting his ass kicked.

*personal assistant of a knight  
** a short hand held weapon much like a club but having an end that was either ball shaped or flanged.


	4. Gifts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being late. Due to the current sanitary emergency we take turns at work and last week was mine.  
> I had little time to write also because my PC decided to go and die without my permission. D:
> 
> Hope you will enjoy this new chapter.  
> Let me know in the comments!
> 
> Noah

CHAPTER 4 - GIFTS

The following morning Merlin woke up earlier than usual. It was still dark outside, so he decided to stay in bed a bit more.  
Until he heard a noise just outside Gaius’ chambers. He sprang up worried. Maybe it was someone that needed help.  
Merlin rushed to the door, well he tried jumping on his good legs, without even changing his clothes and went outside.  
There, in front of the door, the dark haired servant found the freshly knighted Sir Thomas. The man was visibly struggling to hide whatever he was holding in his hands, behind his back.  
Merlin frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but the other beat him to it: “I-It is not what it looks like!”  
So Merlin asked: “What should it be like, Sir Thomas?” Then folded his arms, looking sceptically at the knight.  
“I-I was just… uhm… I brought you a gift?” Thomas said moving his arms from behind his back, showing Merlin two big wooden objects. Merlin gaped “Are those crutches?” he asked brushing the tips of his fingers over the carved wood.  
“I… yes. I made them for you. You know, to apologise again for causing your injury” Thomas blushed when Merlin smiled gently at him. “You shouldn’t have. But I really do appreciate them and I’ll accept the gift. And, no more saying sorry. Promise?”  
“Promise” the other replied smiling.

Merlin went straight to the kitchen showing off his new and very comfortable crutches to the other servants.  
When they saw him in those conditions, they worried immediately and asked him what had happened, if he was alright, if he needed some help. Even the cook, big scary woman, looked worried for the little lanky guy – as she liked to call him. Merlin smiled and reassured his friends he was fine and that he only needed some help to bring Arthur his breakfast. Unfortunately Linda, who usually brought supper to the prince, was ill, and the only other person who could help him was George. So Merlin had to put up with the other servant’s endless harangue about how a proper servant should behave, all the way to the prince’s chambers.

“Rise and shine!” Merlin yelled as soon as he opened the doors, and went to the window to open the curtain. The sun entered the room, hitting Arthur face who sighed annoyed and mumbled. “Can you explain why you need to talk so loudly in the morning?”  
“Because some clotpole refuses to wake up, unless I literally push him out of the bed”.  
“Where are those from?” Asked the prince looking at Merlin.   
“Oh these? They are a gift from Sir. Thomas. They are great right?” Merlin beamed. Arthur rubbed his eyes and passed a hand through his hair. “Who?”  
“New addition to your ranks” Merlin replied. So that was the name of the stupid tall idiot who was talking to his servant the previous day. Arthur felt a sudden uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.  
However, he couldn’t dwell much on it; someone cleared his throat and said: “Sorry for bothering, your highness I have your breakfast”. Arthur gestured for the man to enter and leave the tray with the food on the table. “Thank you for the help George!” Merlin said happily. But George, did not reply. He just tsked. Merlin offended by the immaturity of the other servant, stuck out his tongue at his back, making Arthur laugh and throw a pillow to his head.  
“What?” he asked, but he was laughing too.

\----  
Days passed, Merlin’s ankle got better and stopped using the crutches.   
He could go back to collect herbs for Gaius and deliver potions and remedies to those in need.   
Getting better also meant that he could resume tending to prince Arthur without George’s help.

In conclusion everything was back to normal. Almost.   
Merlin was on his way to the prince’s rooms when he heard a loud crash and people arguing.  
Thinking Arthur was in danger, Merlin ran towards the room only to find out, once he reached it, that Uther was in the room.  
He quickly hid behind the jamb of the door, hoping that the two men hadn’t seen him. The king seemed to not tolerate him very much lately and interrupting them right then was going to bring only more trouble.  
“Why are you doing this to me, father?”  
“You, Arthur, are the heir to throne! You can’t just marry anyone. That love nonsense has to stop. No king marries for love!”  
“I’ve always done everything you have asked of me. I have never refused, not even once! Can you respect the only thing I demand?”  
“I would, if it wasn’t an idiocy! You will do as your king demands and marry princess Mithian. That’s final!”  
Uther stormed out the room visibly irritated.  
“I know you’re hiding behind the door Merlin” Arthur sighed after a moment and sat at his table.  
Merlin entered the room. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t eavesdropping, sire. I was just coming to your room to tidy up a bit.”  
“It’s alright, Merlin. I doubt there is someone in the castle that hasn’t heard us.” Arthur smiled sadly at his servant, who gets immediately close to his blond friend.  
“Sometimes I wonder what is feels like, to be in control of your life, doing whatever you want. To be like you, Merlin”. The prince sighed pulling his servant closer so he could rest his head onto the other belly.  
He immediately felt fingers tangle in his blond hair, gentle and soothing.  
“He just wants what it’s best for you, even if he has a very weird way of showing it. Also don’t think I am so free to do as I please: someone is always ordering me around. You wouldn’t last a day as a servant” Merlin teased. Arthur sighed and smiled enjoying the contact. His servant always knew what to say when Arthur was upset; with a few simple words he could always calm Arthur down and get him out of his foul mood. Even more so lately, as his father became very pushy and demanding.  
It was unexpected, this friendship between them. As a servant Merlin might be very unprofessional, but as a person… there wasn’t another that Arthur trusted more.  
In fact Merlin was the only person he felt he could show his weak side to: he knew that the brunet would never judge him for doubting himself sometimes or not feeling good enough.  
He just felt so at ease in Merlin’s arms, that when the other stopped comforting him to move away, Arthur’s heart clenched and his arms twitched, wanting to reach around the servant and keep him there.

But he eventually sighed and watched as Merlin chirped piking up clothes scattered on the floor.  
“I’m going then. It seems like they need help with this Yule celebration!”  
“I don’t know what help could you provide, as clumsy as you are, Merlin.” The prince got to his feet and picked up his sword to go train with the knights.  
Merlin stuck his tongue at him replying “And yet you can’t seem to do anything without my help”.  
The blond was about to retort when a servant showed up walking up to Merlin.  
“Hey Merlin, these are for you!” she handed a little bouquet to the man and added that she didn’t know who sent them but she did have a little note: “For the man I can’t forget”.  
“Are you sure they are for me?” Merlin asked, his face red up till his ears.  
“So they told me” The servant bowed and exited the room.  
“Don’t touch them. Bring them to Gaius and have them checked. They could be poisoned.” Arthur said a serious tone in his voice.   
“You’re exaggerating. They’re just some forget-me-not, Arthur.” Merlin pouted.  
“It is suspicious, that is not something you give a man Merlin. Moreover, who would send you flowers? You’re…” He tries but can’t find the words, because actually now that he thinks about it...  
“So the problem are neither the flowers, nor the fact that I’m a man. You simply find it strange that someone is interested in ME?” the brunet sounded offended.  
“No that is not-!”  
“Thank you Arthur”. Merlin took whatever he had to and left the room, leaving Arthur alone cursing himself for not being able to think before speaking.

CHAPTER 4 - GIFTS

The following morning Merlin woke up earlier than usual. It was still dark outside, so he decided to stay in bed a bit more.  
That is until he heard a noise just outside Gaius’ chambers. He sprang up worried. Maybe it was someone that needed help.  
Merlin rushed to the door - well he tried, jumping on his good leg - without even changing his clothes and went outside.  
There, in front of the door, the dark haired servant found the freshly knighted Sir Thomas. The man was visibly struggling to hide whatever he was holding in his hands, behind his back.  
Merlin frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but the other beat him to it: “I-It is not what it looks like!”  
So Merlin asked: “What should it be like, Sir Thomas?” Then folded his arms, looking sceptically at the knight.  
“I-I was just… uhm… I brought you a gift?” Thomas said moving his arms from behind his back, showing Merlin two big wooden objects. Merlin gaped “Are those crutches?” he asked brushing the tips of his fingers over the carved wood.  
“I… yes. I made them for you. You know, to apologise again for causing your injury” Thomas blushed when Merlin smiled gently at him. “You shouldn’t have. But I really do appreciate them and I’ll accept the gift. And, no more saying sorry. Promise?”  
“Promise” the other replied smiling.

Merlin went straight to the kitchens showing off his new and very comfortable crutches to the other servants.  
When they saw him in those conditions, they worried immediately and asked him what had happened, if he was alright, if he needed some help. Even the cook, big scary woman, looked worried for the little lanky guy – as she liked to call him. Merlin smiled and reassured his friends he was fine and that he only needed some help to bring Arthur his breakfast. Unfortunately Linda, who usually brought supper to the prince, was ill, and the only other person who could help him was George. So Merlin had to put up with the other servant’s endless harangue about how a proper servant should behave, all the way to the prince’s chambers.

“Rise and shine!” Merlin yelled as soon as he opened the doors, and went to the window to open the curtain. The sun entered the room, hitting Arthur's face who sighed annoyed and mumbled. “Can you explain why you need to talk so loudly in the morning?”  
“Because some clotpole refuses to wake up, unless I literally push him out of the bed”.  
“Where are those from?” Asked the prince looking at Merlin.  
“Oh these? They are a gift from Sir. Thomas. They are great right?” Merlin beamed. Arthur rubbed his eyes and passed a hand through his hair. “Who?”  
“New addition to your ranks” Merlin replied. So that was the name of the stupid tall idiot who was talking to his servant the previous day. Arthur felt a sudden uncomfortable feeling in his stomach.  
However, he couldn’t dwell much on it; someone cleared his throat and said: “Sorry for bothering, your highness I have your breakfast”. Arthur gestured for the man to enter and leave the tray with the food on the table. “Thank you for the help George!” Merlin said happily. But George, did not reply. He just tsked. Merlin offended by the immaturity of the other servant, stuck out his tongue at his back, making Arthur laugh and throw a pillow to his head.  
“What?” he asked, but he was laughing too.

\----  
Days passed, Merlin’s ankle got better and he stopped using the crutches.  
He could go back to collect herbs for Gaius and deliver potions and remedies to those in need.  
Getting better also meant that he could resume tending to prince Arthur without George’s help.

In conclusion everything was back to normal. Almost.  
Merlin was on his way to the prince’s rooms when he heard a loud crash and people arguing.  
Thinking Arthur was in danger, Merlin ran towards the room only to find out, once he reached it, that Uther was in there.  
He quickly hid behind the jamb of the door, hoping that the two men hadn’t seen him. The king seemed to not tolerate him very much lately and interrupting them right then was going to bring only more trouble.  
“Why are you doing this to me, father?”  
“You, Arthur, are the heir to throne! You can’t just marry anyone. That love nonsense has to stop. No king marries for love!”  
“I’ve always done everything you have asked of me. I have never refused, not even once! Can you respect the only thing I demand?”  
“I would, if it wasn’t an idiocy! You will do as your king demands and marry princess Mithian. That’s final!”  
Uther stormed out the room visibly irritated.  
“I know you’re hiding behind the door Merlin” Arthur sighed after a moment and sat at his table.  
Merlin entered the room. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t eavesdropping, sire. I was just coming to your room to tidy up a bit.”  
“It’s alright, Merlin. I doubt there is someone in the castle that hasn’t heard us.” Arthur smiled sadly at his servant, who gets immediately close to his blond friend.  
“Sometimes I wonder what is feels like, to be in control of your life, doing whatever you want. To be like you, Merlin”. The prince sighed pulling his servant closer so he could rest his head onto the other belly.  
He immediately felt fingers tangle in his blond hair, gentle and soothing.  
“He just wants what it’s best for you, even if he has a very weird way of showing it. Also don’t think I am so free to do as I please: someone is always ordering me around.” Merlin teased. Arthur sighed and smiled enjoying the contact. His servant always knew what to say when Arthur was upset; with a few simple words he could always calm Arthur down and get him out of his foul mood. Even more so lately, as his father became very pushy and demanding.  
It was unexpected, this friendship between them. As a servant Merlin might be very unprofessional, but as a person… there wasn’t another that Arthur trusted more.

“I’m going then. It seems like they need help with this Yule celebration!” Merlin chirped moving away from the blond to pick up the clothes scattered on the floor.  
“I don’t know what help could you provide, as clumsy as you are, Merlin.” The prince got to his feet and picked up his word to go train with the knights.  
Merlin stuck his tongue at him replying “And yet you can’t seem to do anything without my help”.  
The blond was about to retort when a servant showed up walking up to Merlin.  
“Hey Merlin, these are for you!” she handed a little bouquet to the man and added that she didn’t know who sent them but she did have a little note: “For the man I can’t forget”.  
“Are you sure they are for me?” Merlin asked, his face red up till his ears.  
“So they told me” The servant bowed and exited the room.  
“Don’t touch them. Bring them to Gaius and have them checked. They could be poisoned.” Arthur said a serious tone in his voice.  
“You’re exaggerating. They’re just some forget-me-not, Arthur.” Merlin pouted.  
“It is suspicious, that is not something you give a man Merlin. Moreover, who would send you flowers? You’re…” He tries but can’t find the words, because actually now that he thinks about it...  
“So the problem are neither the flowers, nor the fact that I’m a man. You simply find it strange that someone is interested in ME?” the brunet sounded offended.  
“No that is not-!”  
“Thank you Arthur”. Merlin took whatever he had to and left the room, leaving Arthur alone cursing himself for not being able to think before speaking.


	5. Too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Here I am with a new chapter for this story.  
> I Just wanted to tell you thanks for sticking with me.  
> I have re-published chapter 4 as I made some changes since I wasn't completely satisfied with it. So check it out again.
> 
> And without further ado, below you can find ch 5. I'm soo satified with it I hope you like it. Let me know in the comments.
> 
> Noah

CHAPTER 5 – TOO MUCH

“You should go talk to Arthur, Merlin” Gwen said to her friend one night. She had invited Merlin for a dinner to her house, hoping to talk to him and push him to put an end to the stupid fight he had with the prince. After all, they had fought over nothing. Sure Arthur had been an idiot and very insensitive, but it wouldn’t be the first time. He had told her what happened with his manservant and she really didn’t know why Merlin was so angry. She had this feeling... there was surely more than what met the eyes.  
So she waited for her friends to come around and talk to each other, but neither did anything so she took the matter on her hands; this situation had been going on for too much!  
After that fight, from what she knew, Merlin barely spoke to Arthur.  
Surely they didn’t have many chances to as they both were very busy, with Arthur attending his prince’s duties and Merlin helping Gaius out and preparing for the Yule celebration.  
“There is nothing to talk about, Gwen” Merlin replied while helping his friend clean up the table.  
“Oh sure, so you both look miserable and annoyed because of nothing!” she huffed.  
“He hurt my feelings” Merlin pouted and sat down on a little wooden chair next to the kitchen’s table.  
“He does that, does he? He always says things without thinking, but I really doubt that he means them.” Gwen smiled and laid her hand on Merlin’s trying to comfort him. Merlin looked at her and then at the floor. “He is so used to be an arse that his mouth moves before he actually understands what he is saying. Isn’t he?” he said after a moment.  
The woman smiled and asked “What did he do this time?” She wanted to know her friend’s version too. Merlin tells her about the flowers and Arthur’s hard words. Or at least hard for him. Usually he would brush them off, but this time it was different. Those words had stung. Merlin’s heart clenched every time he repeated them in his mind. Did the prince really think that Merlin wouldn’t be suitable for anyone? That he didn’t deserve to be loved?  
“Ah ah! I see what you’re doing. Don’t even think that!” Gwen snapped her fingers in front of Merlin’s face to wake him from his trance.  
“It’s just… It is hard to believe that I have feelings? That I want to be loved too?”  
“I’m sure that Arthur didn’t mean it like that. I mean, you are very discreet about your life Merlin that it must have surprised Arthur. You usually don’t pay attention to love matters.” Gwen chuckled.  
“I don’t show a lot of things about myself, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel or do them. For example, I do clean up Arthur’s room. If it is already a mess after a couple of hours, it doesn’t mean I didn’t do it.”  
“True true. But have you thought about the fact that maybe Arthur is only very worried and concerned about you?”  
“Him? Concerned? He never seems to care about me Gwen.”  
“Just because he doesn’t show it, it doesn’t mean he doesn’t care.” Gwen said paraphrasing Merlin’s words.  
“Woman! You can’t just copy my speech and use it against me!” Merlin looked at her friend with a fake shocked expression, making the girl laugh.  
“What I’m saying is, despite he says the opposite, you ARE his friend, Merlin. An important one. I’m sure he just tries to look out for you. Talk to him and sort things out.”  
“Alright. I promise I will talk to him!” Merlin said exasperated.  
Then Gwen happily clapped her hands together and with a mischievous look in her face nudged Merlin. “Good. Now, tell me everything about this secret admirer of yours! I want to know all about the gift they sent you!”

After a couple of hours talking to his friend, Merlin was on the streets of the citadel. Despite being the middle of December, the air wasn’t so cold but the brunet lifted his blue neckerchief above his nose anyway. The citadel was quiet, the moon shined incomplete over the dirt road.  
This calm was relaxing. Nature was preparing to hibernate for the winter before blooming again in spring.  
The equilibrium was just perfect and Merlin felt so. His magic felt good, satisfied. Until a shiver ran down the warlock’s spine who detected a presence behind his back. He didn’t turn around though. The brunet just sped up, feeling the presence doing the same following him. Suddenly, Merlin turned into a dark alley and stopped right after the corner extending his leg in front of him. So when the presence walked into the shadows too, it didn’t notice him and tripped over his foot. A tall and muscular figure fell on the ground.  
“Ouch! That hurt” a voice rang in the silent night.  
“Good! You shouldn’t be following people around at this hour!” Merlin whisper-yelled.  
In the meantime, the man got to his feet and turned to face Merlin, who was very surprised to discover that...  
“Sir Thomas! It is you? What are you doing out at this hour?” the brunet asked, his heart beating a mile per hour.  
“Actually my house is next to your friend’s. I was out on the porch when I saw you coming out. I just wanted to say hi!”  
“I thought you were a bandit or a thief!”  
“Sorry. I couldn’t talk aloud and risk waking everyone up.” Thomas fidgeted looking at his feet and then back up. “So, now that we are here...I Uhm… I’ve meant to ask… have you received the flowers and the sweet buns?”  
“The-they were from you? Why? I mean, thanks. Uhm.” Merlin blushed up till the tip of his ears.  
Thomas looked away and scratched the back of his head. “I uhm. Alright, the thing is: I like you, Merlin.”  
“Oh, I-I’m flattered Thomas…” Merlin didn’t know what to say, really. In the previous days he thought a lot about who it could be that sent him all those flowers and sweets, but no one came to his mind. Maybe, he thought, it was someone he didn’t know, but who knew him since he was the prince’s servant. Maybe a maid in the castle or someone of the citadel. But to think that it was actually a knight! Thomas at that! Merlin couldn’t believe it.  
He was about to say something but the knight stopped him.  
“You don’t have to say anything right away. I wanted to ask if you wanted to go to the Yule festival with me. And after that maybe you can give me your answer. Unless you don’t want to and you don’t fancy me, as a man, I mean.”  
“Oh no! I don’t have a preference. I just love, you know. And I’d like to go with you… Only, I have to serve the prince at the banquet, so maybe after?” Merlin blushed.  
“Yes!” Thomas said eagerly, only to clear his throat right after. “I mean yes, I’d like it.” he smiled.  
“Sounds like a plan then. But please don’t scare me any more like this! It’s already the second time and I’m not sure I’ll live through a third.” Merlin teased the other and started off towards the castle.

That night Merlin couldn’t sleep.  
What had he done? He sounded so happy saying yes like that! But what was he thinking, really! Thomas had looked cute when asking him but he shouldn’t have accepted. It would be a disaster.  
He rolled over and over in his bed unable to keep still.  
Sure, Thomas was handsome with those big green eyes, dark brown hair and a fit body. It would be hard to say no, but he really should.  
He had been so careful in the last few years to not be swayed. He only had focused on fulfilling his destiny, keeping Arthur safe.  
He limited his interactions with people not only because he didn’t have time, but also because it would have been dangerous with his magic and all, as it had already been proven.  
Merlin had already lost a lot, and there still was a lot more he could lose.

The only two people Merlin loved, more than friends to be exact, knew about him and his powers.  
One was Will, his first love. He and Merlin grew up together. It was like they were joined at the hips: always running around, bothering people and sleeping under the stars while sharing secrets. One of them was about Merlin’s magic. They dreamt about running away, travelling in far lands where Merlin’s existence wouldn’t have been condemned. Those were the moments Merlin loved the most; laying next to Will on the grass, feeling his skin touch the other’s, dreaming of tasting the forbidden flavour of his friend’s lips. But then William’s father was killed and reality crushed down on them. As the oldest son, William had to take care of his family, so those dreamy and carefree moments they shared became less and less frequent. Until they stopped talking altogether, William had closed himself off, and it was like there was a tall, sturdy wall between them. A wall that crumbled the day before Merlin left for Camelot years after.  
“We always talked about running away and go where it would be safe for you, now you are telling me you are going straight to the place where hell broke loose!?” William was pacing before Merlin, who sat on a little stool in the middle of the room.  
“I have no choice, Will. It’s become difficult hiding who I am. Gaius, my mother’s friend, will help me control my powers. I will be very careful, nothing bad will happen”.  
“Sure, when I think about you the first thing that comes to my mind is careful. L-look, let’s leave. We’ll find another way to control your gift.” That is why Merlin loved William. He never, not even once, thought that what Merlin had was a curse. He always said that Merlin was the best part of that rotten world, a gift. But even as it pained him greatly, the brunet knew that they couldn’t escape reality, William’s place was not with him.  
“We can’t Will, you have your family here. You can’t just abandon them”. Merlin stood and hugged William inhaling his friend’s unique scent, of apples and smoke.  
“I promise I will write and that I’ll come visit. You promise me you’ll take care of yourself and that you’ll stay out of trouble.”  
Will looked at Merlin’s face, once the other loosened the embrace, and leaned in. Merlin’s eyes opened wide when he felt Will’s lips on his. It was a light and chaste touch, but it was enough for Merlin.  
“Thank you”. He murmured, having received the answer he had waited years for.  
The day after he left for Camelot.  
Despite promising to visit, Merlin went back only once. It was to protect the village and they succeeded, but William had lost his life. Merlin may have not loved him anymore by then, but that day a part of him died with his friend.

Merlin hurt so much after that, that he never thought it possible to fall in love again.  
But Freya proved him wrong.  
She came at night, fast and fierce, unexpected. An exchange of glances was enough; Merlin had been enchanted.  
They got to spent a little time together, but Merlin had loved her dearly.  
The circumstances weren’t the best, seen that Freya had been cursed and was now a magical being chased by bounty hunters.  
But Merlin didn’t care. He had felt a deep connection with this dirty, fragile girl. They had something in common, she was like him. She was able to understand Merlin’s feelings about magic and Merlin didn’t feel alone anymore. Only, he didn’t know about the bloodthirsty monster laying under her skin that emerged on the nights of a full moon. When he found out though, his feelings didn’t change, they just strengthened the idea to run from everything and everyone, this time for real. But fate had other plans; it was cruel and relentless with Merlin once again. And so, Freya too lost her life. 

Both his loved ones had died with a smile on their faces: happy that they had been able to protect Merlin’s secret, Will; with a promise to come back should he need help, Freya.  
But both times Merlin had just felt helpless and useless. A monster that brought harm to those he loved the most.

That is why he didn’t allow himself to love anyone anymore, even if Merlin yearned to feel those sensations again, that pleasant feeling of warmth growing at the bottom of his stomach.

Now, laying in his bed, Merlin was fighting a silent war. His head said he shouldn’t stray from the Destiny’s path and cause more harm. His heart torn between a new love, and the desire for a man he knew he couldn’t have.

When morning came, Merlin had found his answer.


	6. Treason

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me to find out what happens in the story!  
> Thank you to those who commented on the past chapters. I really do appreciate your feedback!
> 
> Let me know if you also like this chapter!  
> Noah

CHAPTER 6 - TREASON

“Rise and shine, my lord. Lady Mithian will be here soon!” Merlin chirped waking Arthur up.

“Shut up, Merlin”. Arthur grumbled as he always did, but – “Merlin!”

He stood up from the bed as it was on fire. “Merlin!” he repeated shocked.

The servant just smiled and nodded “Yes, I believe that it is my name, sire”.

“I mean, what are you doing here? No! Wait! I’m happy you’re here. Ahhh, what I wanted to say -”

“It is alright, sire. I’m sorry too for my behaviour” Merlin bowed his head a little and smiled at the prince right after.

“You have no reason to apologize, I have hurt you with my thoughtless words. I am the one that should beg your pardon.”

“Oh Arthur, you sound so formal” Merlin sniggered. Arthur looked offended for a second but smiled too, happy that his friend had accepted his apologies. He had been mulling over it for days. He even asked for Gwen’s help, who had said that no matter what had been, Merlin would have forgiven him if he had apologized. That was just the way Merlin was. But Arthur had been worried that this time he had stepped too far, that he had ruined their friendship for good. Not being able to see Merlin was like torture, he didn’t like it when they fought. But when he opened his mouth to apologize once again he was interrupted.

“Well, let’s help you get ready for that princess of yours. Even if you are going to reject her, you have to be presentable. The bath is ready. I’m going to pick up your breakfast.” Merlin said getting closer to Arthur to leave a gentle caress on the prince’s cheek as if he wanted to reassure him that it was alright. Arthur sighed happily watching Merlin leaving the room.

A couple of hours later, Princess Mithian was striding in Camelot’s courtyard riding a dark stallion.

King Uther stood next to Arthur looking haughty and smug, well aware that this union between his son and the Princess of Nemeth would have brought incredible strength to his kingdom. His smile widened when he looked at Arthur and saw that he had been struck by the princess’ looks.

“Go to her Arthur” he whispered. And Arthur did. He went to help the girl dismount from the horse.

“Princess Mithian you are most welcome” he smiled greeting his soon-to-be wife.

That night Yule celebration started. A generous banquet was presented to the guests and a huge fire had been lighted.

During the feast, Merlin served the prince dutifully, on his lips a sweet smile.

Arthur was actually enjoying that night, and was very happy that his manservant and friend, despite working, was having a good time too.

“I heard a lot about you, your highness” Lady Mithian said capturing Arthur’s attention.

“Hope it was nothing bad, my Lady” he replied politely.

Mithian smiled “Oh, quite the opposite. But I dare say that they were also wrong. You’re more handsome in person than reports suggested.”

Arthur was a bit taken aback from her straightforward way of speaking and blushed a little. “I have to say that neither I had anticipated you would be this beautiful”.

“So, have you planned something for us for tomorrow?” The princess asked trying to not show that Arthur’s comment had made her blush.

“I actually have, I’d like to take you for a tour near the river”.

“That will be lovely!” Mithian said, while Arthur took a sip of his drink and looked at the people around him.

His gaze though kept lingering on Merlin. He was now laughing at something the knights had said, probably one of Gwain’s bad jokes. Then that knight, whats-his-name, got close to the brunet, too close for Arthur’s liking. He was sure that that man was trouble. Only a moment later, in fact, the brown-haired man said something to Merlin’s ear and made him blush.

Oh God, never before Arthur had seen Merlin blush like that. His pale skin covered with a rosy dust, almost as delicate as a rose. Those red lips Merlin was biting looked so juicy that Arthur bit his own, as if he could have a taste of them.

“What do you think Arthur?” The King’s question interrupted the prince’s more than impure thoughts.

Oh God, he was so immersed in his lucubrations that he didn’t know what his father and Mithian had been talking about.

“I’m sorry” He said. “It’s seems that I had too many cups of wine”.

“Are you feeling well, my lord?” Mithian asked concerned.

“I am. I did not mean to worry you. I will go take a little walk.” Arthur said excusing himself.

What was he doing, he wondered. He had been about to ruin everything. His father would have him for that later, for making himself look like a fool. And what the hell was that… about, about… Merlin? Having those lewd thoughts about another man, his friend no less! He had definitely too much wine and to clear his head he decided to actually go for a walk.

In the mean time, Merlin had finished his work for the night. Dinner had been served and now everyone was going outside to dance around the big fire.

He looked for Arthur to tell him he was done and ask if the prince needed anything else before enjoying the rest of the night.

“Hey, you! You’re my son’s servant. Where is my son!” King Uther walked up to him with a grim face.

“I was looking for him myself, Your Highness” he replied while moving his gaze between the crowd.

“And you shouldn’t be! You should be by his side, you useless servant” The King looked so angry Merlin just bowed his head as a sign of excuse.

“Father I’m here, leave my servant alone. He was just doing his job” Arthur appeared behind them.

“You made an awful impression on the princess. You will have to apologize and make sure to buy her a gift Arthur, or God help me I will put you in the stocks. Have I been clear?"

"Yes, Sire. I’m sorry Sire." Arthur replied and his father walked away.

"I'm sorry for my father Merlin."

"Nothing new. Are you having trouble with Lady Mithian?"

"I was just a bit overwhelmed. She is not what I expected, she’s very pleasant to talk to, but I just needed a bit of fresh air”.

“Oh… So that means that you will not reject her? What about Gwen?”

“I don’t know what I will do. I have met her only today. Even if my father wants me to marry her, it doesn’t mean I will do it”. Arthur said, but didn’t reply to the Gwen question. It was a touchy subject. Lately, their relationship had changed. Gwen was still sweet and he still went to her for advice, but between them there wasn’t that feeling anymore, at least on his part. But they still weren’t ready to talk it out.

“Alright, so if my prince doesn’t need anything else from me, I would like to go enjoy the rest of the night. Do you think it is possible, Sire?” Merlin asked a moment later.

“Absolutely, but do not drink too much as you usually do at the tavern, Merlin. I will need your assistance tomorrow”. Arthur replied with a smirk.

Merlin gasped shocked. “Clotpole!” Arthur laughed and replied “Bull’s eye, uh?” and walked away to go back to his father.

Now that he was free, Merlin became very nervous. He needed to find Thomas and talk to him. He had decided that he would turn the other down since he couldn’t afford to get distracted. Arthur and their shared destiny were far more important than his feelings.

So he looked at the men happily dancing and singing in front of the fire. Merlin had always loved the celebration of the cross-quarters days. They always brought people together.

“Is that some kind of tradition?” someone asked. The voice was deep and familiar.

Merlin stood still, a little surprised by the sudden appearance. “I believe I told you that I didn’t want to be scared anymore”.

“I’m sorry, but it is very tempting.” For a few minutes neither spoke, both looking at the red flames dancing lively along with men.

“So… is it a tradition, dancing around the fire?” Thomas asked again.

“Oh, sure. They do because they are happy for the birth of the God. Have you never partaken in Yule celebrations?” Merlin detached his eyes from the fire to look at the knight. In this dim light, he sure was beautiful. The other didn’t move so Merlin could observe the profile of Thomas face. His nose was quite small and a little upward; his eyes were big and surrounded by long eyelashes.

“Oh yes, I have. Where I am from though, on the borders of Gawant, we do it differently. We sacrifice cattle and pray. No big feasts.”

“Oh, that is so sad.” Merlin moved his eyes away again, this time pointing them at the ground. “I love these moments where everyone gathers together to pay respect to the God, the Goddess and Nature as well. It is like the world is in peace. I come from far away too, in Ealdor things were similar but much more modest.”

This time it was Thomas that turned his head to look at the other. “Why did you leave your village?”

“I… uhm. I guess it was because I felt like I didn’t fit in anymore”. It was the same thing he had said to Arthur when they went to protect Ealdor. Now, years later, he guessed it was destiny’s call. “What about you, sir knight?”

“Oh… I did it for my family. I thought I was good at fighting so why not trying to put that to good use? This way I can help my mother and sister.”

“That is very noble of you, Thomas”.

The two moved to sit on a log and talked for a couple of hours. Then they were joined by the other knights, who started sharing funny stories and anecdotes.

They had fun and almost didn’t want to leave one another when it became very late.

“Oh come on Merls! After the celebrations everybody gets a day off” Gwaine had grabbed Merlin’s wrist to try and stop the servant from retiring for the night.

“I’m sorry but Prince Arthur does not get a day off tomorrow, so neither do I as his servant. We can’t all be as lucky as you, my friend!” Merlin replied prying his hand away from the other’s.

“That is not fair. Princess can’t have you all for himself. I want a piece as well” Gwaine pouted and the other knights laughed. “Make sure Arthur doesn’t hear you talking like that if you value your life!” Leon shook his head making his ginger curls bounce.

“Yeah, remember last time? You didn’t even say anything and he beat you to a pulp!” Elyan laughed.

“Life is so unfair, sir Leon. It always takes what one wants the most.” Gwaine looked at the other man with a serious look on his face. Leon, though, knew his friend so well that he could see some sadness in those drunken eyes. It seemed that Merlin had noticed too. But before he could say anything to his friend, Gwaine stood up and run to throw up.

“I’ll go take care of him” Percival got up and went to help the long dark-haired man.

Merlin sighed and excused himself.

“Merlin!” The servant had almost reached the physician’s rooms when someone called out his name.

He turned around and saw Thomas running up to him. “You-you didn’t-tell me… your reply” the knight panted.

“Oh, I’m very sorry, Thomas. I was having such a good time that I forgot!” Merlin blushed and waited for Thomas to catch his breath.

“I had a good time too, though we didn’t spend enough time alone”

“I mean… yes. It was a good night.” Merlin took a deep breath to calm himself down and fidgeted a bit.

“Something is telling me you’re about to say no”. The smiled Thomas had fell and he scratched the back of his head.

“I’m sorry. It is not that I don’t like you, it is just that I can’t” Merlin said.

“So you say. But are you sure it is what you want?”

“What I want?” Merlin asked confused, not expecting this kind of reaction from the other.

“You are saying that you can’t, but is it true? You said that it is not that you don’t like me, and to me, that means that you do like me. Something is just holding you back.”

“There is nothing holding me back!” Merlin snapped. “Please just respect my choice”.

“It is not fair Merlin.”

“You wanted an answer, and my answer is this. I’m sorry, but you can’t get angry that it is not what you expected.”

“But I’m not angry because of that! I’m angry because you’re lying. And not to me but to yourself!”

“I’m not lying. I know perfectly well what I want!” _And sadly I know perfectly well I can’t have it!_ Merlin added silently.

Thomas pushed Merlin against the nearest wall making him gasp. He had one arm extended to the wall to support himself and not crush Merlin. He brought their faces together and stood still, looking in those marvellous sapphires that Merlin’s eyes were.

Thomas moved his head to the side and asked: “If you are so sure that you don’t want me, then why your heart is beating so fast?” He placed his free hand on the brunet’s chest feeling happy that his heart was beating furiously.

“I’m just afraid you’ll hurt me”. Merlin replied, his voice almost a whisper.

“If so, why are you blushing?” The other smirked leaving a small kiss on the long pale neck.

Merlin’s hand shot to hold the other’s clothes. But they didn’t know if they wanted to push him away or to draw him closer. Thomas read that indecision and took his chance: the hand he had on the wall moved and went to cup Merlin’s nape and he closed the gap between their mouths.

Merlin felt overwhelmed by Thomas’ warmth, his scent, his sweet lips.

It was so wrong but felt too good. He should feel angry with Thomas, he was forcing himself on Merlin. But then again Merlin could have Thomas flying across the other side of the castle if he so wished.

What he was really angry at, was his own treacherous heart. It was selfish and was happy for the attention he was receiving.

So Merlin gave in and drew the other closer.


	7. Chances and Choices

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there!
> 
> I'm sorry for posting so late again. This time I had a major block. I kept writing and deleting, I just couldn't find the words. It was mentally exhausting :(
> 
> I really hope you do enjoy it!  
> Let me know as always in the comments. They feed my broken soul.  
> I want to thank you again for reading this story and thank you so much to who commented on the last chapters!
> 
> Noah

CHAPTER 7 – CHANCES AND CHOICES

Merlin was laying on his bed, wide awake despite being tired to death.

Every time he tried to close his eyes, images of the night before assaulted him.

Initially he didn’t want the kiss and he had been about to push the other away. After all he had decided that he would turn the knight down. He had thought it was a bad idea not to do so. But then, when Thomas’ lips touched his, that feeling of need and that desire to feel loved resurfaced, and for the first time in a very long time Merlin allowed himself to be selfish.

He had always sacrificed himself and his happiness for others, mostly for Arthur’s sake. Deep down, he liked that he was this magical being, part of a bigger plan for the greater good. However, there were times when he wanted nothing more than to be normal. And Thomas could offer him that: a fragment of normality.

Sure everything was still very fresh and maybe nothing would come out of this relationship, but Merlin wouldn’t let this chance past him. He had to at least try.

A knock on the door distracted him from his thoughts.

“Merlin, are you awake?” Gaius' head popped out from behind the door. “Are you alright? I didn’t hear you come home last night” he asked.

Merlin sat up and looked at his mentor with an expression that told the old man more than enough.

“My boy what happened?” Gaius entered the room and went to sit down on Merlin’s bed, right next to him.

“Do you think I can be happy, Gaius?” Merlin asked after a bit of hesitation.

“Where is this coming from? Is it because of those gifts you received?” Merlin nodded. “Have you found out who is it?” The brunet nodded again. “Then I don’t really understand. You were so happy that someone liked you”.

“I was and I still am… but. Thinking back to my past nothing good has come out of me liking someone. So I am just worried that maybe I’m not supposed to love anyone at all. That _all_ I am is subjected to the prophecy.”

“Trifles*. It doesn’t matter that you are the most powerful magical being to ever walk this earth, you are still human, Merlin! You have every right to be happy and if loving this person brings you happiness, then destiny has to just accept it.” Merlin looked at his mentor and smiled sadly. “Merlin, my boy. I know that you are scared of hurting people, even more than hurting yourself. But even like this you’re hurting. So just give yourself a chance. If it goes wrong I’ll be here to pick up the pieces.” Gaius smiled and hugged Merlin that was barely holding his tears back.

“Thanks Gaius. I must look like a fool like this.”

“Nonsense. Everyone deals with their own fears Merlin. The only thing you can do to annihilate them is to bring light in their darkness. Only then you will be able to see things as they really are; only then you will stand a chance against them. This is called courage, Merlin. And my boy, you are the bravest person I have ever met”. Gaius loosened his grip around Merlin’s back and cupped his face with both his hands.

“Be happy, my boy. Life is only one, live it to its fullest”.

Arthur was waiting for Merlin in the courtyard. The horses were ready and the Princess eager to descend to the river.

“It seems it will be a great day, my prince. Don’t you think?” Mithian said, caressing the blonde’s arm and blushing right after.

“Yes, my lady. Though I’m sure that any moment spent in your company would be a great one, even on a cloudy day.” He replied politely. Mithian’s face reddened once again, a small smile blooming on her rosy lips. Arthur looked away, a pang of guilt squeezing his heart. He knew he had to do this for his Kingdom’s sake, but it didn’t mean it was what his heart wanted. If he had to be frank with himself, neither his heart knew what it wanted. But this just felt wrong. A couple of seconds later Merlin, with Gwaine in toe, reached the two of them.

“Everything is ready, my Lord.” The servant said smiling, while Gwaine limited himself to a little bow. No cheeky comments, it seemed like someone had way too much to drink the previous night. Arthur looked at his knight amused.

The walk down to the river was mostly quiet. Mithian lost herself to the wonder of the forest, the villages, asking a few questions Arthur was happy to reply to. Although, Arthur’s eyes never left his manservant who was riding in front of them. He looked different. Not in the aspect: he was his usual lanky self. No, the change was deeper. It was as if his aura had changed. Maybe something had happened at the feast. What if Merlin had met that person who had sent him all those gifts? Was the girl younger or older than Merlin? Had she long dark hair? Was her skin as pale as porcelain? Did Merlin like her back?

His mind was flooded by thousands of questions, tons of weird feelings. For some reason, he thought it odd for Merlin to be involved in love matters. Like Merlin was this sort of asexual entity which didn’t have any interest in love. Or maybe he did, but he didn’t share it with Arthur. Why was Arthur so hurt by this thought? Why was he so bothered and annoyed by it?

“We have reached the river, your highness” Merlin’s voice interrupted his thinking.

Arthur helped Mithian dismount from the horse, as Gwaine found a spot to guard and Merlin set up the picnic. Mithian walked down to the river and took out a vial from her satchel so she could fill it with the fresh water and refresh herself.

“I could feel you thinking too much while riding Arthur” Merlin’s voice behind his back surprised the prince making him flinch a little. “She likes you, no need to try so hard.” Merlin laughed a little while still fixing the food on the blanket he had positioned on the cold grass. Shoot, Merlin had noticed Arthur was distracted.

“I’m not trying anything, Merlin. She is wonderful, but is she the person for me, I wonder. I am sure that with time I could come to love her, but what about my heart? After all I already…” Arthur wasn’t sure how to complete his last sentence. Already what? In love with someone else? Was this what he was? He thought it was pretty clear that he didn’t love Gwen anymore. In fact, seeing her at the feast with Lancelot didn’t make him go wild with rage. It didn’t make him burn with jealousy. So why should he feel like he was betraying someone? He couldn’t, for the love of anything he held dear, tell what he was feeling. Confusion was the only indisputable thing in his brain.

“In love with Gwen?” Merlin asked lowering his voice. Arthur just looked away in response and Merlin left it at that, thinking of understanding the ongoing conflict in Arthur’s heart.

“So is the princess enjoying this nice weather?” Gwaine asked Merlin while eating by his side. They were seated under a big weeping willow distant enough from the prince and princess to give them privacy, but close enough to jump into action if anything happened.

“She seems to enjoy Arthur’s company far more” Merlin sniggered. Gwaine laughed too. “Merlin, with princess I meant Arthur”. Merlin’s lips formed an O, before sadness took over his face.

“He seems conflicted. He loves his father and would do anything for him, but love… love isn’t something you force down your throat as if it were a potion.”

“I wish there was a potion that could make you forget about it, though”. Gwaine sighed and laid down on the grass, looking at the tree’s long and elegant branches dancing over them.

The wind was cold on his face but very welcomed. “Something happened yesterday” Merlin said breaking the silence that had fallen between them. “It did.” Gwaine replied but added nothing more.

“You know, weeping willows like this are my favorite trees. With these long and graceful branches that dance in the wind, they seem to offer you protection. They’re ready to keep your secrets and envelop you in a sweet embrace. The druids use their wood to make musical instruments, as they’re told to bring peace to your soul.” Merlin looked down at his friend’s face and let his fingers intertwine into the dark locks of the knight. Gwaine remained in silence, letting Merlin’s words touch his heart. After all this time he was still surprised at how well his friend could read it. “I kissed him.” He eventually whispered. “He told me he planned on getting married to that girl and I… I felt that if I did nothing I would have lost him forever” Gwaine sounded so broken, that Merlin’s heart almost broke. He increased the intensity of his caresses on the brunet’s head, hoping that they could comfort him. “This is why yesterday you drank like that?”

Gwaine nodded, turning to his right side to press his head into Merlin’s waist. “Did he say something?”

“He said that I was too late. He had loved me for so long, hoped, but he had given up on me when he understood that he didn’t have a chance.”

“But he does have a chance now.” Merlin simply answered. “He doesn’t love me anymore”

“Nobody ever stops loving someone. They will always have a place in one’s heart.”

“Have you ever loved someone so much it hurts Merlin?” Gwaine asked.

“You have no idea.” Merlin closed his eyes and tilted his head up, letting the wind ruffle his hair. “And it still hurts like hell”.

“Does it get better?”

“Eventually”.

Arthur was having fun discussing of hunting tricks, strategies and politics with Mithian. Having had the same upbringing, they found they had the same opinions and agreed on a lot of matters. After talking for a good part of the day, maybe because of all the emotions, Mithian had fallen asleep. Arthur exploited the moment and observed her. Mithian was beautiful, both inside and outside.

He could see she was to be a good and kind queen one day. But was she to be his?

That nagging feeling of wrongness had come back. Whenever Arthur thought about a potential and ideal lover, he always imagined them to be extraordinary. Not excellent in everything they did, but strong-willed, caring and passionate. Someone not afraid to say what was on their mind, or to speak up for what they believed in. Gwenevere was like that; Mithian was too. However, for as much as he had wanted to, they weren’t the ones that made Arthur’s heart jump and have palpitations. Only one person seemed to have the power to do so and make Arthur lose control, lately.

And that person was right there, a couple of feet away from Arthur. The prince sat up and immediately looked for Merlin. He saw him sitting with Gwaine at his side. Strange enough, they weren’t smiling. They weren’t laughing at some funny joke as they usually did. Gwaine was laying down on his right side, his face hidden on Merlin’s waist. Merlin was sitting with his back against the big weeping willow’s trunk while his fingers caressed Gwaine’s hair gently. They looked calm and relaxed, but Arthur could tell something was off; he could see it from the sad expression on Merlin’s milky face. His red lips were closed, their angles turned down.

Looking at them made Arthur feel like he was intruding into something he wasn’t supposed to. However, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Merlin. Arthur had known Merlin for almost ten years now, shared bits of him he didn’t dare to show anyone else, how come he had never bothered to stop and actually look at his friend? How could he only be noticing in that moment that Merlin was so painfully beautiful? He looked so fragile that Arthur wanted nothing more than to envelop the skinny man into his strong arms and keep him safe. To protect him from whatever it was that was hurting him.

The prince was abruptly brought back to reality when he heard Mithian exclaim “Oh I’m so sorry! I fell asleep while talking!” the girl fretted and blushed “I was not bored, I swear”.

“I am sure, my lady. I think you are just exhausted. We shall go back to the castle as soon as possible.”

Arthur reassured her and called for his manservant who, with the help of Gwaine too, packed things up and readied to go back to the castle.

After that Arthur avoided the princess as much as he could. The guilt he felt, growing bigger and bigger the more he acknowledged the fact that he didn’t love her and would never do so. He was struggling because he knew what he should do, but lacked the courage to do so afraid to disappoint his father. His father who had noticed the conflict in his son, but acted as if he didn’t care, sure that Arthur would get his act together and stop acting like a brainless child.

A couple of nights later, though, King Uther had to face reality. He was about to go to bed when someone knocked at his door.

It was very late and the King wasn’t expecting… company. “Come in!” he said trying not to sound too surprised. However, he couldn’t contain himself when the Lady Mithian appeared at the doorstep. Definitely not a good sign.

“Lady Mithian! How can I help you, my dear?” He asked.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced at this hour, sire. But I don’t know who else I can ask”. The princess looked upset and trembled because of the cold air penetrating her light nightgown.

“Don’t worry my lady. Come inside and take a seat next to the fire, I’ll give you a blanket”. The king said while pushing the girl towards the fireplace.

“I’m sorry, what manners I have! Dressed like this, in the king’s chambers, so late at night!” She took her head into her hands.

“What is bothering you so much, Lady Mithian?” Uther had come back and covered her small figure with a woolen blanket.

“It’s your son, your highness. I think he is fed up with me! Since that day at the river he-” she murmured sadly.

“I beg your pardon in his stead, Mithian. Whatever he did-”

“It’s not his fault!” Mithian’s eyes went wide with worry. “Please believe me. It’s just… that day… we were talking and I suddenly fell asleep. He must think he bored me! I tried to apologize but he said I should not. He assured me that it was alright. Yet he feels so distant. Have I ruined everything?”

King Uther was shocked to say the least. For once Arthur wasn’t the one that had messed up. However behaving like this, avoiding the princess was something he could not condone! He had to do something and push the two towards a turning point. They were taking too long to make a decision and hesitation could be fatal! “I am sure that Arthur isn’t fed up with you, my lady. Maybe he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable. You should just talk to him and everything will be fine”.

“I really hope so. I like your son but every time I try to talk to him, my voice doesn’t come out and my heart aches in fear of scaring him away”

“Don’t worry my lady, my son can be a little oblivious at times and what he needs it’s just a little push.”

Mithian ran across half of the castle. After talking to the king she just couldn’t wait for the morning to come! Arthur had completely enraptured her. She had fallen in love the moment her brown eyes had met his blue ones. And the only thought of losing a chance with him because of her inconsiderate behavior made her restless.

Once she reached Arthur’s rooms, she didn’t even bother to knock and opened the doors.

Arthur was standing next to his desk, scanning through documents. As soon as he heard the doors open, his hand shot to his trusted sword for protection.

“Lady Mithian!” He exclaimed when he understood who it was. The girl didn’t reply and just ran towards him “Is everything alri-!” Arthur didn’t get to finish the sentence as a pair of smooth and plump lips were smashed on his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *this word came to me watching The Sword in the Stone the other day. I liked the word old Merlin said in Italian "quisquilie" and had to translate it XD


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